soniya's love life

hi..

as u now know frm my past posts, i was having a happy life.then irfan came into my life.irafn was tall, cute and kind of a shyboy.we soon started dating (i dont even want to get to how i almost gave up waiting for him to make the first move, he was obviously interested in me, but he is the kind who wont make a move till he is cock-sure im also interested, so after a loooooong wait, he asked me out one day).we had a good time, basically.

now, u must know that irfan is a commitment freak.i was one too, till what happened with joe, and i started being scared of commitments.so he came to see my parents, i saw his etc etc and i started thinking commitment maynot be such a bad thing after all.

well then.there was trouble in paradise.you see, irfan has these 18th century ideals of a perfect wife, someone who will all but wag a tail on seeing her husband.now i am far from that.i had far outgrown my dorky days, i was the star, remember, and you see, stardom doesnt call for a housewife.

so i was having all these outings and parties and fun.irfan, being the shyboy, was sometimes left out.and i hadn't even noticed.soon he started to ask for more attention, in crazy ways, like telling me he thought we were moving too fast (i wonder how) etc etc.i had a tough time.i dint know the real intention behind his words.i pretty much say what i mean, and expected him to so as well, and took his words literally.

then he started avoiding me, and i was hurt and confused.he started dating another girl.i was furious and broke up with him, and never wanted to see him again.i went back to being the star full-time, and enjoying the perks.i had a blast and enjoyed every minute.but i never dated again, coz i didn't want to get hurt again, and there was some soft corner left for irfan somewhere deep in my heart.

one night, months later, i was dancing in a party with all my college friends.irfan was there (he had stopped seeing the other girl right after we broke up, but i hadnt bothered to find out why).i the middle of dancing, irfan came and practically forced me out of the building and was angry for my "improper condect".i asked who was he to correct me, etc, but soon we knew we were still in love, and within days, got back together again.

the relationship was very happy now, coz we felt very much attached to each other and all that.we have been dating ever since, with some minor bumps in the road, but overall pretty good.

there was a problem, though.he absolutely detested me being popular etc, and forbid me from partying and all those outgoing activities includng debates.this time i realised his inferiority complex and need for attention.so i gave up almost all things he didn't want me to do, and became almost the homely girl he wanted me to be.and i must say, he loves me no end, and will die for me.i know that.he is crazy about me.but he is way too possessive.im used to most of it now, but every now and then i want so much to be the star again, and have all the party and fun.he says all that is meaningless, not true happiness.he says love and family and the simple life are true happiness.i dont know, really.please share your wisdom and tell me what to do.i cant say i know a lot about the world, but please tell me,will an outgoing girl ever make a good homely wife no matter how much she tries?is party and fun meaningless?is love and family where true happiness lies?i know all this wisdom will come with age, but im confused.could you share ur wisdom and give me some answers?i would be so grateful.

thanks,
soniya.

hi...

if u have read my last post, u know about my new revelation and thirst to get beautiful and the reason behind that.now read on.

so, i dumped the fat and ugly me. i went on a crash diet and lost a lot of pounds.i started working out and developed a good figure (i dnt mean to boast).then i went to college.

now as u see, a slim girl with good figure gets her share of attention.oh yeah, and so did i.i got a lot of that.from day #1, i got lots of invitations to date.and silly me, i wasn't yet choosy.i got caught up in all the sudden interest in me.and i started to date joe.

i must be fair here, joe is a nice guy.but he had a lot more experince in the dating world than i ever did.he knew that a couple of dates didnt mean we were in love.but i was stupid and didn't realise that.soon i had to move, and started going to a different college closer to home.but i thought joe and me were in love, so i still went out with him.and when i started talking about life together, he got scared(as i now know he has reason to be) and said he just wanted to be friends.and anyway, my crash diet resolve was fast leaving me, and i had started to gain weight again.

so joe left me.i was alone again, and the same old sensation of worthlessness settled in.that went on for a while.but soon, i started to find other interests, like debating and other extracarricular activities and started to depend on me alone for reassuring my self worth.i was good at most of these, and i was top in some subjects again.i was even popular.and i became one of the "stars" in my college myself.life was good.and i did some healthy dieting and found my perfect figure, not skinny but natural, not fat either.just perfect.life was good and i made some really good friends, along with some who had stood by me through thick and thin in my school life.

all this, till i met irfan.more on that, as always, on my next post.

luv,
soniya.

hi..

this is the true story of my love life..im 20 now.the story begins when i was 16 and had my first crush.that crush was on my classmate in my new school, rohan.

rohan was handsome, slim, fair, tall, and was a star athlete and school headboy.i was totally head over heels for him, and hence whenever anybody else asked me out, i said no, thinking rohan would realise my true love (!) and come to me.but lo, that was not to be.tired of waiting, one day i asked him out.that was my biggest mistake ever.i was too naive to know all the "play hard to get" and "never ask anybody out - that always looks too needy" watchwords of other girls my age.and, as i half expected, though not believed possible, he turned me down.blow!! i felt like the biggest loser to walk the face of earth, and went into a depression era.

soon my parents came to know about the reason behind my depression and drop in grades (i was topper in previous school), and the hell that followed is not worth recalling.

i remained steadfastedly in love with him till i passed out of school, and he didn't give me a second glance ever.i left the school very broken hearted.

i mean, i dont really blame him.i was fat, dorky and ugly.now tall fair handsome stars-of-school dont date fat and ugly geeks, do they?but i didnt know it then.fool as i was, i wasted two damn years over this crush.

once i passed out, i had some brainwaves, and all innocence out of the way, i learned the basic truth of life.you need to be beautiful to get noticed.that changed a lot.more on that in my next post.

luv,
soniya.